Where is the line?

It is up to you. When people start asking questions, I remind them: it is your body and your choice. You can start and stop any treatment. The only caveat: you must still have a voice.

I had a family friend who had retired and was excited to spend time with grandkids and relish hobbies that had long been put aside. Shortly after retiring he was diagnosed with cancer. It was advanced and had spread to several locations in his body. When I saw pictures, I could tell the cancer was effectively eating him. His cheeks had thinned and fatigue was painted on his face.  

He started chemo, one round. It hit him like a ton of bricks. It took his energy, it stole his time, and it made him someone he didn’t want to be. “No more.” His voice still worked. He talked with his family, it was hard, his voice shook, there were tears, but this wasn’t living to him. Treatment was stopped.

He died at home, surrounded by his loved ones. On his terms. Living the life and death the way he wanted.

The line isn’t about what treatments you will accept but how those treatments allow you to live the life you want. As long as you have a voice, you can decide where the line is and when it gets crossed. You can say “enough.” All medical treatments can be stopped if it isn’t the life you want. Your body, your choice.

But what happens when you no longer have a voice? Does your family know where your line is? Have you defined “living,” because that is the line they need to lean on when they become your voice.

Have the conversation about living. What is YOUR definition for yourself? Is it sitting watching sports and hanging out with family or going kayaking on the weekends? Is “living” crocheting sweaters for the grandchildren or having game nights and maintaining your scrabble domination?

The medical treatments can add or take away the ability to live as you define it, but that is why the discussion with your loved ones is SO valuable. It is unique to you. It can be adapted, but the big priorities don’t change.
Will a feeding tube allow you to make it to your daughter’s wedding or will it take away your ability to enjoy dinner with your family?
Will going to dialysis allow you to go to hockey games or will it take away your ability to hike your tenth fourteener?

At any time, you can say no. Your voice can say “no” even if you aren’t the one speaking the words. The person you gave your words to can be your voice.  

It isn’t about defining death, as death will find us all, but to define living. That is the individual piece. That definition will allow you and your family to decide where the line is and when it has been crossed. When to keep doing aggressive medical treatments, and when to say enough. It is up to you. It is your body.