When you're on this side of "old"

When Erin and I started seriously thinking about Sips & Wishes, I was talking with my sister about the concept of educating folks about the medical interventions that patients and families are offered during times of crisis and at the natural end of life. She was very encouraging, but didn’t really see how talking about this stuff impacted her at this point in her life as a healthy woman in her 40s. “I’m too young to talk about the end of my life.”
 
“What if you have a terrible car accident when you’re driving back to Omaha today? Is your husband going to know what you want the ER staff to do when he’s standing in the doorway, frozen with fear?”
 
I could see her wheels turning as she understood what I was explaining.
 
I have so many friends and acquaintances who are enthusiastic about the concept of Sips & Wishes. But where we are in life and our life experiences impact our thoughts of talking about your own mortality. It can be a little scarier when you’re on this side of “old”…whatever that means. How do you identify yourself: soccer mom, hockey dad, bosslady, best uncle in the world, eldest, middle or only child? It doesn’t really matter, because this message is for everyone.
 
Older folks are a little more willing to have conversations that include end of life and death. You may have a will and might have planned and paid for your funeral. It’s kind of like nesting before having a baby. You see what’s on the horizon and you want to make things easier for your loved ones, so you plan as much as you can. You also know what you want your funeral to include…or NOT include. After all, it’s YOUR funeral. You want to have a say, and the way to do that is to plan it. Include your own wishes. Under the threat of coming back to haunt them, you want your loved ones to follow your wishes.
 
Sips & Wishes is the same. Except we’re before the funeral…before the casket. (And in our gallows humor, Erin and I named our LLC “Before the Casket” because it’s cheeky.)
 
But I’m getting off topic. Older folks are a little more comfortable having conversations about their mortality; understanding that they want to stay in control of their own decisions for as long as possible. Our culture values autonomy.
 
During a Sips & Wishes gathering, we explain the medical interventions in a relaxed environment where questions are encouraged. The intent is so that if you are ever in a situation that requires decisions to be voiced, you already have some basic knowledge. Talking about your wishes before those situations arise will help reduce the stress, trauma and guilt that your loved ones will face if they’re ever standing in the doorway of the ER as you lay on the hospital bed.

• Do you want to be on a ventilator? For how long?
• Do you want chest compressions?
• Do you know enough about feeding tubes to know if you want one or not? How long is acceptable?
• What if you have permanent brain damage? Does that change your answer?
• Do you have the knowledge to answer these questions?

So while you may be on this side of “old,” you might still need answers to these questions. And if you want any say in what happens to your body when your voice isn’t working, please consider having a Sips & Wishes party. Educate yourself, decide for yourself, and share your wishes with your loved ones. You’re helping them be your voice. You’re helping reduce their trauma and guilt. They’ll be thankful you did.